literature

Not Like This

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001glaceonice001's avatar
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Literature Text

  I was upset. Because you were mad. At me? I'm not sure. You talked to your friend. Smiled and laughed. I could barely make you smile. A joke, you usually would laugh at, you got mad and yelled at me. I tried to be nice. I tried to ask what happened. You wouldn't say anything. And it made me seem like shit.
  Was it the joke? No, you already seemed mad at me. Did I say something? I'm not sure, but you don't get mad for this long. Did I do something? I don't know. I really don't.
  I walked to my bus. And I turned my head. Not sure why, but I did. I didn't know you were down that hall. But, we made eye contact. I turned away and kept walking.
  I sat on the bus. With my usual frown. And then, I smiled. I'm not going to be upset anymore. I'm tired of it. I didn't think about how you got mad at me. Or yelled. Or for the rest of the day ignored me. I just thought about the first day we met. And then the next day, when I learned your name. And the next, and next, and next. Each laugh. Each smile. And when you stared at me, and I stared back, and we were happy.
  I'm sorry for whatever I did. I don't want us to be a memory. I don't want us to end. Not now. Not like this.
My best friend and crush Chris seemed mad at me. I didn't know what I did. I thought "Oh, maybe he's just mad and doesn't want to talk to anyone." He was laughing and joking around with everyone else. I tried to talk to him, and I could barely make him smile once (the teacher's ass was in my face, I turned to him and made a horrified face). But usually I can make him laugh a whole lot. He wouldn't. I made this joke because we were making hurricane charts and it said give a warning or not. I said, "I say no warning. Who doesn't love surprises?" All my other friends laughed. He didn't even look my way. I even said it to some people around me. He likes those type of douche bag jokes, but he didn't notice me.
So, I stopped making a lot of jokes. I was always happy and smiley for him. But now, I felt like crap.
My next class and at lunch, I didn't talk a lot and thought about what I might of did. And I had this one little theory. I told my friend I want to give up on Chris. I didn't think that he would ever like me. So she might have told him, and possibly he did like me and it hurt him. After a while, when I couldn't stop thinking about him, I told her that I still liked him. She liked him too. And he liked to talk to her a lot.
My little theory is she didn't want to tell Chris, because she likes him and doesn't want him to like me.
We already had an agreement. If he liked her, I wouldn't get mad, if he liked me, she would get mad.
But that's all I can think of. I don't want him to be mad. I really don't.
© 2013 - 2024 001glaceonice001
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